J.R. Moehringer helped Prince Harry and Andre Agassi write their memoirs. Both asked for his assistance after reading The Tender Bar, Moehringer’s memoir. I recently read The Tender Bar, and it was the best book I read this summer. It was published twenty years ago and was made into a film directed by George Clooney, starring Ben Affleck. The Tender Bar is a boy’s story about searching for the voice and essence of his absent father and finding role models in a bar in Manhasset, Long Island.
Moehringer discussed so many family dynamics in his life story. Because his father abandoned him and his mother, JR (purposely without the periods for most of childhood) lived some of his years in his mother’s family home with Grandma and Grandpa, his Uncle Charlie, and other relatives. Though these family members often exposed him to gambling, drinking, and other undesirable behaviors, they also loved him deeply. From them, and particularly from Uncle Charlie and the men at the local bar, JR absorbed essential lessons and developed lasting memories. The bar, a central setting in the story, served as a place of learning and growth for JR, where he found role models and learned life lessons.
Eventually, JR’s mother finds a way to move from the family home on Long Island to an apartment in Arizona. There, JR befriends two eccentric men who run a bookstore. They instill in him the belief that reading is not just a pastime but a gateway to a fulfilling life and that he is intelligent enough to attend Yale. JR eventually does attend Yale, but lacks the sophistication of others in that atmosphere. He has little self-confidence and yearns for relationships that measure up to his youthful attachments to his uncle and his friends at the bar. After bewildering encounters with cousins, his father, women, a priest, and others, JR eventually taps into his roots and identity and begins a productive career.
The Tender Bar is an engaging read, featuring numerous themes that are both relatable and thought-provoking. If you read it, you will consider what constitutes a real family. Class differences and the role of education in determining one’s success are essential concepts in the story. Other threads include what constitutes manhood and managing oneself. There is also a lot to ponder about emotional nourishment, fear of making mistakes, and sabotaging one’s success. Moehringer shares many examples of fear as we navigate life and death. The power and importance of reading, regardless of your societal status, is emphasized in this memoir, which I thoroughly enjoyed.
